After a long pause...
So it's been a while. I haven't done much writing, as little has moved me. Which is strange because I feel so much love.
In the past months, so much has changed. And I fear (?) I am among those things. Not all of me, of course, but parts. Like a that bridge I've been trying to gap as to what my future will even remotely resemble has finally been gapped. Or at least I have the resources to allow myself to see across that vast ocean. It is so sweet. I pray it's more than an illusion.
And so this is what I've always wanted. And this is it. So I just breathe now. Breathe in and out and over and over again, trying to find the big picture among all these slides piecing together. Even if one has a tear, the show will go on and end happy or sad as all movies do. And my role in it all will forever be out there int he universe for those to call on and say, "Remember her... and them... and he?"
So now I will walk to the bathroom and put on my makeup as if I were born to. And I will go about my day as I usually do; calm, still on the outside. Composed. While the rivers run deep in my heart, pulling to shore wantings and longings and photos of your face.